Hosted by Erica Jolene with special guest Abby Tanner | Transcription HERE
In this week's Afterthoughts episode, my friend and fellow medical mama, Abigail Tanner, has joined me to talk about our personal experiences with home health nursing. There is a lot of laughter and a lot of vulnerability as we both share about the awkwardness and the blessing of having the help of a home health nurse.
Hearing Abby talk about her own experiences provided all the reassurance I did not know I needed. It helped me to feel normal in regards to my initial feelings, my first steps, and my expectations. More than anything, this conversation reminded me of just how lucky we are to have two wonderful nurses in our home.
I can't wait for us all to learn more about Abby, her family, and her tribe; in a future season of her very own!
Abby's son Lincoln's Facebook page, Lincoln's Road, can be found by following this link: https://www.facebook.com/lincolnsroad/
Justin and Abby's business: The Board Collection
Research conducted in relation to this podcast, "Telling the Atypical Truth: Disability Community-Building Through Podcasting," can be found HERE.
Episode Transcription
Erica
Welcome to Atypical Truth, a podcast community for those impacted by disabilities and complex medical conditions. I am your host, Erica Jolene.
In just about every episode, I have opened with that same line and it dawned on me that someone listening to this show right now might be wondering, "Am I an individual whose life has been impacted by disabilities or complex medical conditions?". So, I thought it would be good to take a quick moment to address that great question. The thing is, most people have been, or will be impacted by disabilities, and/or complex medical conditions at some point in our lives. It may look different and feel different from the stories you hear on this show. It may have been a brief but memorable experience from your childhood when you first saw someone in a wheelchair, or a time in your life when a loved one has to navigate a difficult diagnosis. You may only just now be realizing the prevalence of disabilities and complex medical conditions in our society. And for that, I applaud you for becoming aware and tuning in to learn more about the people who directly identify with this community. I hope that you find comfort in learning that the stigma associated with disabilities is grossly inaccurate and that we're just a bunch of beautiful people living our lives the best way we know how doing what we can with what we have.
One of those beautiful people that I have come to know and love is my fellow medical mama, Abby Tanner. It was through a very random Facebook friend request from her mother-in-law, which led me to Abby and the Facebook page of her son Lincoln; and then into the world of Facebook groups specific to families of children with the same rare form of epilepsy that Margot has - well, technically both of our kids have, but we only had Margot at the time. And I'll never forget this moment, I can remember vividly just how exciting and simultaneously heartbreaking it was to see another family with a child like my own. But this moment changed my life. Before this, I had not even considered looking to Facebook groups for support and navigating this journey and here was one specifically created for us. It was such a relief and just so reassuring during a time when I was really in need of guidance and comfort in gaining some perspective of what to expect and what this life entailed. And here was this group of parents with kids at all different ages and with all differing abilities, each of them posting photos, celebrating with one another, swapping tips and tricks, giving advice and showing each other support. I mean, seriously, this was a game changer. And if you're a parent like myself, and you haven't done it yet, get out there search the keyword of your child's diagnosis. If you're a patient with a new diagnosis do the same. I just can't stress enough what a life changing moment this was, and how important it was to our family in navigating this very challenging time in our lives. But I do plan on taking a deep dive into that in a later episode.
So I've touched on this briefly before, but it bears repeating again and again because it is in fact an occurrence that keeps repeating itself. And that is that one of the most beautiful gifts this journey has given us are the unexpected friendships with people who we would have never met otherwise. The funny thing is a year ago, I would have told you that Abby and I would have walked right past each other without a second thought had we met in the past, during a time before kids were born. I mean, I was just so convinced that our lives were very different. And you know what? I am extremely happy to have learned just how wrong I was.
Abby is this California goddess. She's this amazing singer and an extremely talented cosmetologist so you know, she is always looking perfect. She is a creative business innovator with her husband as well. She's outspoken in just the most captivating and honest way. And she's someone who has long devoted her life to God and her family. And here I was, this quiet prairie girl who hailed from Kansas, I drove stick shifts, I prided myself on changing my own oil, riding motorcycles, and playing the song, like it was the voice I never had, but it always dreamed of. I was managing a business by the time I was 22 and I was far too busy for spirituality or the idea of having a family. So yeah, it's fair to say that I would have expected our paths to not cross. But life has other plans. And it just so happens that our shared desire to learn and discuss with others about our experiences as parents and caregivers to our sweet, complex, kiddos was all it took for the paths to cross and a friendship to emerge.
In the last year, we have this wonderful chance for friendship to blossom, thanks to the Marco Polo app. And this isn't an ad, I just really love that app. So as we got to know one another in these long winded video exchanges, we soon learned just how much we had in common, and how much we enjoyed each other's perspective. Abby has been a constant supporter of this podcast from the early days when it was just this tiny spark of an idea that I was tossing around. And I knew early on that I wanted her to be a part of this project, but I did not expect the enthusiasm she displayed with the idea of joining me for some occasional afterthoughts episodes and then on to even hosting her own season. I mean, most people understandably get nervous about the idea of being interviewed, let alone recorded and put on the air for the world to hear. But as it turns out, when you put a microphone in front of two natural born performers, we will not hesitate to put on a show!
Erica
HI ABBY! ...no, no that was terrible. That's not me at all. (laughter from both)
Abby
(Abby begins singing Lionel Richie) Hello...is it me you're looking for…
(laughter from both) I can see it in your eyes...
Erica
Keep going, keep going. (laughter from both)
Abby
I don't, I don't know the rest of it!
Erica
Now I'm gonna expect you to sing to me like every time!
Abby
You know what I forgot is that I set my voicemail a long time ago to the greatest showmen. But I forget and now every medical professional who leaves a voicemail, it's like...(Abby begins singing the Greatest Showman) "Ohohoooohoh! Ladies and Gents, Abby's not here right now."
Erica
Oh, no, you did not!
Abby
Oh I did! And I keep forgetting until somebody leaves a voicemail and says something.
Erica
Oh, that's awesome.
Abby
I need to change it to something a little more professional.
Erica
I think for the longest time I had the Jungle Book (both begin singing The Bare Necessities) "it's for the bare necessities, the simple bare necessisites..." (laughter from both) It was my ringtone and I swear anytime I would answer the phone, people would just be in the best mood and "Oh, I love that song!" and I had like forgotten that I had done that. Yeah. I don't think they do ringback tones anymore. I kind of wish they would because that put people in a good mood.
Abby
Ooooooh! No, no, no. It can happen!
Erica
Do they? Okay, I will have to do that.
Abby
I do Mariah Carey at Christmas, (Abby begin singing Mariah Carey's "All I want for Christmas) "All I want for Christmas is yooooou. Doo, Doo Doo..."
Erica
(Erica attempts to chime in) "...ooooh, baby." (laughter from both) I can't sing!
Abby
But you have the moves!
Erica
I can move, but I can't sing. Oooooh. So Abby, tell me about your family. You are the mom of four beautiful babies. Some of them probably are not babies anymore. They'll always be your babies, but they would not appreciate me saying that...I'm pretty sure.
Abby
They probably wouldn't. Yes, so my husband and I live in South Carolina with our four babies, who are not my babies. Wait whoa, wait. (laughter from both)
I STOLE THEM! I picked them up from Target! (laughter from both)
...let's start over!
Erica
....where you buy all the best stuff! (laughter from both)
You went in there. (laughing)
You went in there for flour and you left with four kids! (laughter from both)
"Babe, I was just gonna go get some pillowcases, but..." (laughter from both & breathing hard from laughter)
This is gonna be hard to edit! (laughter from both)
Abby
Oh my gosh, are you gonna have a blooper reel? You need to have a blooper reel and you can just combine it at the end of the season?
Erica
Yes, this. Yes, I plan to but this is, this like deserves a blooper episode of its own! I don't think...that woman who you took the kids from at Target, she left with a wicker laundry basket and she was okay with that!
Abby
She did! She was okay. She was okay. Oh my gosh. Yes, my name is Abby, and I live in South Carolina with my husband of 10 years and we have four children. We have a one-year-old, Lincoln is our four-year-old with complex needs, and then we have a six and eight-year-old. And I'm homeschooling the older two. So...
Erica
And you're one of those lucky families that have an equal disbursement of boys and girls. How cool?
Abby
Oh yes! I had boy, boy, girl, boy, girl. I love it!
Erica
I feel like, in thinking back about it, really so much of it was focusing on us being new to home health, nursing, and like how nervous we were. And I got to thinking about your experience of listening to it because you're coming out from a situation where you don't have home health nursing right now. Tell me what that was like?
Abby
Well, in listening to your experience with Amelia, it took me back to when we were looking for home health in the very beginning. And much of the same nervousness and apprehension and something you said I was like, "I so relate to that!". But almost feeling, I can't remember how you phrased it, but almost feeling like a failure as a mom...
Erica
Um-hum. Yeah.